Some SPIDER JOKES

Some SPIDER JOKES

Why do so many spider families settle in the Carolinas?

They want to be near Charlotte’s Web!

Why do spiders go to Carnegie Hall?

To hear the string section play!

Why do spiders do so well in English class?

They bring along Webster’s Dictionary!

Why did the spider lose the 100-meter dash?

His feet got tangled in the starter's blocks

A man and a spider are sitting at a bar. The man asks the spider “So what do you do?”

The spider replies “Oh, I’m in web design.”

A guy says to a female at a club-- “Honey you’ve got some amazing pairs of legs; or else I’ve had way too much to drink!”

She replies “Yeah, right, but it’s hell getting into and out of 4 pairs of pants every day!”

What did the male spider say to his mate as she was going out shopping?

Please don’t go into any shoe stores!

　

An unemployed spider was looking at the classifieds, and saw a posting for a switchboard operator. He thought--”hey that’s something I could probably do pretty well!” So he called them to get details about the job.

After a little discussion, the potential employer said “Wait a minute. You’ve got no experience operating a switchboard. What makes you think you’d be good at It?”

The spider replied “To be totally honest, I was built with more limbs than your average human!”

The interviewer responded “Now I’ve heard everything--an unemployed robot!” He slammed the phone down.

　

What do you call a spider with wings?

A very scarey spider! or

You don’t call to him. You get the hell out of the way! or

Sir or Madam.

Why did the spider want to go to the Middle East?

He’d heard of “Arach” (Iraq).

Why was the spider a Washington Redskins football fan?

Because Brian “Arachpo”! (Orakpo). plays for them..　

OPEN A WINDOW--Song Lyrics from RIFFIN SPIDERS Record TUNE THE MOON

OPEN A WINDOW
I say
Open a window
and look outside
tell me what's fallin'
out of the sky

and you say
Things are fallin'--fallin' down
and they're bouncing around
when they hit the ground

and I say
Let's go out tonight
so we can find out what's been fallin'
out of the sky

Open a pinhole
and look inside
tell me what's crawlin'
around outta sight

you say
Things are hopping and bopping around
and they jump up and down
like a lightning cloud

and I say
Let's get down there tonight
so we can find out what's been ticking
on the micro slide

Open a disco
and look inside
tell me what's shakin'
and breakin' in time

and you say
People swirling and a-twirling around
snapping their fingers to the thumping sound

and I say
Let's go out tonight
so we can boogie like a cookie
in the flashing light.

More Riffin' on the Riffin'--Name That Band

Here’s a tall tale to riff on. Steven Ace has a time traveling friend who has been to the future. While a few years ahead of the presdent, he took a cultural snapshot of the entertainment world. One interesting thing that it revealed was that one of the top rock ’n’ roll acts then will be known as the Riffin’ Spiders.

When Steve heard that, so the story goes, he wondered why he hadn’t ever heard of this band. He than googled it and found there was no such act--yet. So Steve, thinking forwardly and outside the box, decided to found a band and name it Riffin Spiders.

That’s one of Steve’s ways for explaining how he got his act together. He sort of imagined that he and his band-mates really were riffin’ spiders. You know--how they behaved, what they thought about, and whatnot...

RIFFIN SPIDERS Coming Out Soon TUNE THE MOON !!!

HOMAGE TO SPINAL TAP

The Riffin’ Spiders album Tune the Moon calls to mind the cult R&R movie classic This is Spinal Tap. It combines grandiose ambitions with irony and humor. To appreciate it, just find a comfortable chair or sofa, put on your best stereo headphones or turn on your best stereo speakers. Turn it up to 11 (or 12 if you're a Seahawks fan)--and let the music sweep you away......

GUITARS GALORE

If you love guitars you'll love this album. Lively, meandering, captivating stuff. At times an intense, relentless wall of sound. And then later in the same song it may sound like a solo from a chamber music piece. Vocals, often emerging spontaneously from guitar interplay, help to conjure up a variety of scenes--a ballpark crowd, a horse race, robots, a haunted house, an airport, a casino, the big city, a heavenly choir, the Beach Boys, etc..

Yup, there's something for everybody here on Tune the Moon--so get it Soon!

　

DANCING AMONG THE STARS

This albumm is highly recommended for star lovers and walkman wearers. Under the night sky this music can provide a great natural high--try it !!  (With or without the Moon--just make sure it’s in-Tune”!